So I tried to change my layout for this thing but I can't figure it out. Oh well. This weblog is in serious need of an update. As stated in my last post I was completely lost. I finally came to the realization that I was wasting my life with the man I was with. I finally saw reality and decided to change it. I finally got myself out of denial that the marriage was going to work. So my last post was a year ago. I will tell you that life has changed drastically since then and it still is changing. I decided in May that it was time to leave my husband. He told me he didn't want to be married anymore. I got really tired of holding onto him. One day I went to church which I never do and sat there in my recliner at home crying my eyes out.. Jake came up to me (at this time he was 2 1/2) and he told me don't cry mommy. That was the moment I decided I needed to leave. I called my mom and my stepdad answered. I cried and cried. I told him I was finally ready to come home. I have called my parents before telling them I wanted to leave but I was never really ready for it. This time my stepdad just knew I was ready. I told him I wanted to come home right then and there. So I ended up leaving Virginia on May 8th 2010. While there for that last month I did some things I regret a lot. I didn't know how to handle the situation so i went wild. So I arrived in Miami on May 9th which I didn't realize was mothers day until I got here. Some mothers day huh? So for the first 4 months living here I continued to run wild. I just didn't know how to handle the break up. I did things I am not proud of in any way. Before coming home my doctor put me on Celexa which is an antidepressant. I think is the big culprit for all of my behavior. I just didn't care about anything. Including Jake.. How can that possibly happen? I have no clue at all. Dealing with the realization that your whole life is going to change is a tough pill to swallow. My ex was being a jerk a lot of the time especially when I first got here. He called me whore, skank, slut bitch and a bad mother. What a lovely guy huh? However my whole story isn't all sad. 3 months after I got here I got a job as a temp. I got this job through my little sister's bf at the time. Because of what was going on in life I wasn't doing my job to the best of my ability. Therefore, because of this my temp job ended. While there I ran into a friend I for some reason couldn't stop running into. We went to the same school and ended up living in Virginia Beach which is where my ex was stationed and so was she. She was in the Navy. She and I were never really that great of friends. We were more like aquaintances. So at this job surprisingly she was working there as a temp too! I was like Holy crap! I told her there had to be a reason why I keep running into her all of the time. So I decided to have lunch with her a few times. So one day at lunch she introduced me to some of her friends she worked with. She introduced me to about 4 people, Jorge, Carlos, Chris and Ramon. At first I didn't think much. I was thinking oh these people are nice. So after a few lunches Ramon was the one that caught my eye. He seemed very smart and outgoing. So I ended up texting Amanda what Ramon's name was because I forgot haha! So she said the dark one? I said yeah and she said his name was Ramon. I told her well I think he is kind of cute. She said go for it. So later on she told me that they were all going bowling and if I would like to go. She said Ramon was going so I said yes. So that night got his number and was oh so slick.. yeah right. He had parked his car a little down the road so I asked him if he wanted me to take him to his car. He said yes. I was happy haha! My slick comment was so what kind of girls do you like? That was real smooth huh? Proof that I havent been in the game for a while huh? He said all kinds of girls. So that night my friend Amanda gave me ramon's number and we went bowling. As he was bowling i texted him nice butt haha! He got the text looked at me and said I try lol... so for the rest of that night me and him started to flirt n stuff. To cut the longest story ever short shortly after this (about a month) he asked me to be his gf. So here I am today with Ramon as my boyfriend. I didn't exactly go searching for him. It just kind of happened. I will tell you that having a boyfriend and a kid is very tricky. I think Jake and ramon have a jealousy issue with each other. But we are all working on their relationship. Also Jakes father has not seen jake in 11 months. Next month it will be a year he hasn't seen his daddy. I feel bad for Jake but there really is nothing I can do. As of now I am a waitress. I hate my job but not because of the job itself, because of the people I work with. Its a sports bar and grill. The three managers are father mother and son. So they pretty much get away with a lot. So right now I am trying my hardest to find a new job. Good news is that I get my associates degree in August! I am so happy and proud of myself for sticking to it. I am also living on my own with jake. We are actually able to do it. It is hard but I am doing things I never thought I could. Ramon says he doesn't live here but he kind of does. He has a committment phobia. He says he doesn't but I think he does. Im trying not to push him hard into anything he doesn't want to do although it would be easier to share the bills with someone. I have to get going and there is still so much to this story... So I shall be back soon! | 
